Sermon preached by The Rev. Dr. Richard Burden
Below is a DRAFT text of the homily. It may vary considerably from the recorded version. Please excuse typos and grammatical errors, and do not cite without permission.
“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”
Trauma is something we all experience to a greater or lesser degree…Trauma inflicts damage…it leaves scars…every loss we must endure…every grief we must weather…marks us…damages us…breaks our hearts…haunts our memories…and takes up residence in our bodies…Damage…scars…stress…trauma causes all of that…and more…but do you know what the most common reaction to trauma is?
See there have been numerous studies over the past twenty years…ranging “from people who experienced the 9/11 attacks, to Hong Kong residents affected by the SARS epidemic, to people living with chronic stress in the Palestinian territories [these studies all show]…that of all [possible] reactions to trauma” […] “the most common […] is resilience.” Bonanno [see also British Journal, Psych Today].
Resilience is the most common reaction to trauma.
What most people learn from trauma is not that they can’t cope…but how to cope…and not only cope…but actually grow, and flourish…even thrive…Now, not everyone…if you are living with trauma that is debilitating…please find help…any of the clergy here will try to point you to the help you need. And not everyone copes with trauma in ways that are healthy and life-giving…But in general…what emerges from trauma…is not more trauma and greater damage…for most people…what emerges from trauma is resilience.
“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” A grain of wheat…a seed…that falls into the earth…doesn’t actually die…does it?…it grows…it transforms…in the harsh but also nurturing environment of the earth…that hard-shelled, self-contained seed…breaks open…which is undoubtedly traumatic, but also necessary…for the newly developed roots to burrow further down into the soil seeking both security and sustenance…from that trauma…an infant shoot pushes through the soil seeking the light and energy of the sun.
You’ve seen plants pushing through solid rock, or concrete…is there a more compelling picture of resilience. Yes, Jesus is describing resurrection here…but isn’t resurrection also a metaphor for resilience? Psychologically resilience is defined as, “adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress—[…and] it can also involve profound personal growth.” Resurrection might be seen as a divine version of resilience…Certainly, when we talk about resurrections in our own lives…we are often describing our resilience…recovery after an illness…the dawning of hope after a period of despair…imagining gathering again…and sharing Communion after these months of isolation…seeing family…in person…those might all be described as types of resurrection…and…they are all also evidence of resilience…of what we’ve learned…of how we’ve endured…this past year has certainly shaped us…and changed us…but it has not deformed us.
We haven’t made it to the end of the tunnel…the promised land…yet…but we are getting there.
The good news about resilience is that it can be developed…like the seed in the soil, or the body lifted on the cross, developing resilience is often uncomfortable, even terribly painful work, but we all know it can be done…because most of the time, we do it without really thinking about it. We know what helps…reaching out to friends…going for a walk…staying hydrated…praying…helping others…learning…And we know what makes things worse…self-medicating…self-isolating…blaming…
I’ve been slowly working my way through the book “My Grandmother’s Hands” by trauma therapist Resmaa Menakem. It’s about healing our bodies from the trauma that we all carry…generational and situational trauma…that we carry and continue to experience and inflict on one another…black bodies…white bodies…bodies of color…he even focuses on police bodies…
Healing from trauma and building resilience has to do with navigating the difference between what he calls “clean pain” and “dirty pain.” Clean pain, “is about choosing integrity over fear. It’s about letting go of what is familiar but harmful, finding the best parts of yourself, and making a leap—with no guarantee of safety or praise” [p. 166]. Sounds a lot like what Jesus calls us to do…
Dirty pain, on the other hand, is the continued acceptance of “avoidance, blame, denial…defensiveness…self-hate…and extreme reactivity” [p.. 166-67]. The process he uses with his clients and that he outlines and recommends in the book for moving away from dirty pain, and into clean pain…is a process for building resilience, and I recommend it.
The process of building resilience…is much like that seed that falls to the ground…there will be discomfort…but there always is with growth…The trick is…each seed is unique…and no one can do the work for you…Menakem reminds us: ”I can’t grow you up. You can’t grow me up. Adulthood can’t be outsourced. Each of us needs to do it on our own—by accepting and moving through clean pain…There are no shortcuts or workarounds. There is simply a choice: clean pain and healing, or dirty pain and more trauma. There is possibility and there is peril.” [p. 262].
A few weeks ago Jesus said, ”If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it,” [Mark 36]…Today, he echoes…“Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me,” [John 12]…Maybe that sounds complicated…or hard…but it’s really not…and we know how to do it…because the most common reaction to trauma is resilience…but we also know that we prefer comfort over discomfort…we prefer the known over the unknown…we know that it’s often a whole lot easier and more comfortable to stay in our hard-sided seedy shells…our filter bubbles…our memory palaces of known and expected things…it feels harder to fall…to settle on the earth…to patiently allow the germination to happen…to push roots down into the hard, but nurturing soil…to reach up and out for light, and life, and help…It might feel like that…but truthfully…we’ve already fallen…we’re already scattered upon the earth…we’re here…and we’ve already been broken…and if you think you haven’t…just wait…and…AND we are resilient…we have made it this far…we’ve grown… AND now we simply have to keep growing…Feel the ground at your feet…Feel the sun on your face…reach out and embrace the growth God is providing you. Bear the fruit of God’s reign of love, justice, and mercy.
Amen.